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Thuthuka Hlophe, the son of embattled Cape Judge President John Hlophe, claims to be the target of a "love-crazy bitch " who has allegedly sent death threats to his loved ones.

A warrant of arrest is out for Kgomotso Mathabathe, 25, from Sandton, who faces contempt of court charges after allegedly intimidating, harassing and sending death threats to Hlophe's girlfriend, Yandiswa Quwe, and her sister — and ignoring a court order to stop.

Hlophe, 26, a Cape Town businessman, said he received more than 90 missed calls every day from Mathabathe, and claimed she had created a profile for him on a gay website.

"The woman is crazy and I do not feel safe at all," he said. "She is a love-crazy bitch."

On Wednesday, Amanda Goba, 35, a former Muvhango actress and sister to Quwe, applied for a peace order at the Randburg Magistrate's Court to stop Mathabathe harassing her and her sister and threatening to harm her children.

In court papers, Goba claimed that Mathabathe had wrecked her credit profile by opening clothing accounts and buying insurance policies in her name. She also told the court that Mathabathe threatened to set up profiles bearing her name and photograph on Internet dating websites.

But by Friday Mathabathe was already ignoring the court order, Goba told the Sunday Times.

Both Hlophe and Mathabathe said theirs had been a business relationship, but his girlfriend, Yandiswa Quwe, 27, said Mathabathe was bitter because Hlophe had dumped her four years ago.

Quwe, mother of Hlophe's four-month-old baby girl, claimed Mathabathe had called her and sent her SMSs saying that "as long as I'm in the picture, your baby will not live for long".

"She even called me on Thursday to tell me that she bought a gun and that she was going to kill me," said Quwe.

"She said that first it was me, then my sister Amanda — and my brother Bongani was going to be next."

Quwe, who lives in Port Elizabeth, claimed Mathabathe had created a profile in her name on an Internet dating website and "painted it to make me look like a devil".

Hlophe said of Mathabathe: "She claims that I owe her money and the figures keep on changing every day. I honestly don't know where all this comes from."

Hlophe denies ever dating Mathabathe. He said he met her several years ago when he rented a flat to her.

He said that she once even phoned his father, Judge John Hlophe and had sworn at him.

"She even posted messages on a website to say I was dead, and invited people to attend my memorial service," he said.

On Friday, Mathabathe denied all allegations made against her by Hlophe, Goba and Quwe, saying they were false. She said she was not romantically interested in Hlophe and denied they ever dated each other.

She said the reason she called him every day was because he owed her R4500 that he had borrowed from her when he was "broke and unemployed".

She denied ever phoning Quwe or Goba or creating Internet profiles of Hlophe. She also denied calling Hlophe's father.

"I got my dad to phone Judge Hlophe, asking his son to pay me my money. I spoke to Thuthuka's stepmother and she just told me that I must give up as I will never get my money," Mathabathe said.

On Friday, Mathabathe told the Sunday Times that she was unaware of the warrant for her arrest.

Bramley police spokesman Constable Neria Malefetse confirmed that an arrest warrant had been issued for Mathabathe and that she faced charges of contempt of court for allegedly ignoring the peace order.

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London: British Christians seems to have lost their touch with women, and are thus going on dating workshops to improve their technique in everything from chat-up lines to body language so that they can hit the right chord with the opposite sex.

The clergy has said that due to falling numbers and lack of experience in relationships, many churchgoers find it difficult to get a partner and are losing personal skills, such as flirting and reading signals.

So, a large number of Christians are increasingly signing up for internet dating sites, like Christian Connections, and attending special courses designed to make them more successful in turning a first date into a long-term relationship

According to Peter Spalton, known as the dating doctor, churchgoers are usually timid and the course can provide them with tips to appear more attractive.

And with the lessons, they would learn how to greet someone, how to hold good eye contact and how to judge whether the other person wants to be kissed at the end of the evening.

"The first meeting is crucial in making or breaking a relationship. The workshops are all about giving people the confidence to make their date a success. They go through the whole process of what is acceptable to talk about and when it is appropriate to try to take things to the next level," the Telegraph quoted Spalton as saying.

He believes that chat-up lines can turn out to be the key to make someone laugh and feel relaxed, but at times some Christian jokes might not be well received.

According to Christian Connections, one should avoid using one-liners such as "You float my ark" and "I didn't believe in predestination until tonight".

Jackie Elton, founder of the agency, said that the number of people using Christian dating sites has doubled over the past year.

"There's been a massive rise in internet dating sites as Christians are struggling to find a partner in church. They know what they want, but many congregations are too small or have a gender imbalance that makes it really difficult for them. As a result they are not getting the kind of experience they need and that's why they are turning to the workshops," she said.

The Rev Richard Cunningham, the director of the University and College Christian Fellowship, said that with the fragmentation of the society, many people now lack the necessary skills to date successfully.

"With the growth of the internet, people are losing social skills we used to take for granted, and have drifted away from being able to read signals," he said.

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The Internet is playing a big role today in almost every aspect of a human's life. We search for information from the net, we study from e-learning programmes, we use emails to keep in touch with people for both personal and business purposes, while many become hard core fans of the popular chat engines like MSN and Skype.

It's no longer surprising internet has also become a tool for singles to search for their right matches and soul mates. Some directly login to the online dating sites, while many start from social networking internet services such as MySpace, facebook.com, Millionairecupid.com, etc.

Despite many harms known to exist in the cyberworld - like people giving false identities or women reportedly lured into sexual abuses or even murders - a lot of singles are still willing to jump in and the number of online dating sites as well as their members have kept increasing over the years.

April sparks, senior vice-president of Sanook Online Limited, which runs the matchmaking web site seekwealthy.com, says after 10 years of service, the number of users have increased from 30,000 people at the beginning to almost one million at present.

Among them, 300,000 people are active members, meaning they are still using the service within 90 days. The number of users online is about 6,000 per day.

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Why online dating?

April said the Internet has an increased role in love relationship as much it has in other life matters.

"Think of what most people do when they arrive at the office every morning - make a cup of coffee, turn on the computer, check emails and browse web sites. If they are feeling lonely or are heartbroken, then tapping into the online dating sites is a likely choice. The way of life today makes the Internet closer to people, and online matchmaking services easier to access," says April.

 He adds that online dating opens a new channel for the singles to find someone to fulfill their empty lives.

''In the past, it used to be difficult for Thais to meet someone out of their life circles. So we've seen many doctors marry nurses, suppliers marry purchasers, salespersons marry marketing people, or judges marry prosecutors. But the internet helps you break through the old narrow circles of friends to meet a variety of people you've never been involved,'' he explains.

He cites a successful case of a Muslim woman living in Chiang Mai who married a Muslim from the deep South after meeting on Thaimate.

''Had they not logged into the web site, they would have missed the chance to meet each other,'' says April.

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What's a crush?

The appeal of online dating lies with the excitement when you are connected to someone you do not know. For some, chatting online with a stranger living a long distance away may allow them to better express their own selves and attitudes without caring for each other's physical appearances.

One more good point of online dating is that you can search through the web until you find the one you are contented with. Then you may start making contact, wait for the response, and pursue the relationship if you click with that person. If not, you still can quit and keep looking for a better match. Everything depends on your judgement.

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Rules for online dating

As every coin has two sides, online dating also has its pros and cons. Since this kind of relationship develops in a cyberworld, it is difficult for us to know what is and is not true, or whether the persons we talk to are really good or bad. Once we're engaged in online dating, there are a lot of things we have to take into account, and here are some rules for the cyber love.

- Be careful in pursuing a relationship

The risk of online dating is that you can be wooed with sweet words or eloquence that appear on the computer screen, not a personality or appearance that are easier to judge.

It is recommended that you go back to those previous emails since you first contacted each other. Read them carefully. The messages between the lines will tell you something about your date. Has he or she been true to you? And you'll get some clues about what way your relationship is heading for.

- First, clarify the age and status.

Age and marital status are what to be clarified from the beginning. A tricky or dishonest guy will speak hesitantly, or not tell you straightly. If that happens, it's better to click ''delete'' that person so as to screen out those married guys or playboys who only want to play games with you.

- Pay caution to an overly extroverted person

Be careful if your date is so quick to disclose his personal information. This kind of people will push you around and make every attempt to rush the relationship. But things that begin too fast usually end easily too.

Note that online dating is a mutual communication between two persons. It's better to give your relationship some more time, let it grow naturally and gradually.

- Don't rush your relationship

One good point of online dating is that you can take time with your date as long as you want, be it one week, one month or even a year. Nobody can rush you. Make every careful step in your relationship, otherwise a mistake can easily happen. Don't rush to meet a man or a woman just after the first few talks. He or she may not be a person you imagine.

- Be honest to your date

Be yourself and true to your date. Do not overstate your personality to make it sound as if you were a hero or an angel. Your partner may have over-expectation on you, and that may trouble your relationship when you both come out of the cyberworld.

- When having a date, do not go to private places

Once you click with someone on the net, going for a date is unavoidable in most cases as it's a way for both sides to better know each other. Bringing along a friend might not be very useful in case you want to get to know each other well.

For your first date, make sure you'll see each other in a public place. If anything wrong happens, you can ask for helps or run away from the guy.

- Ask yourself what you really want

Study your own feeling. Think of what you really need, a soulmate, a friend, or you're just playing games for fun. If you are serious enough, go on with your date. But in case you already have someone and only want to exercise your charm, keep it to the limit. When you have an online dating, it means you already step into someone else's world, so be careful of each other's feelings, otherwise it can get you in trouble.

Internet Dating & Online Dating
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